My phone rang. Maybe it was Jordan. I lunged for it, swiping at the tears. Only Ryan.
“Ryan, this isn’t a good time. . . “
“I just wanted to see if you’re OK.”
“No, I’m not okay. I saw Jordan kissing Angela Duncan. Why her? What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. If Jordan can’t appreciate you for who you are then you don’t need him.”
“You know something. Tell me.”
“I know that you’re perfect just the way you are. It’s Jordan’s loss if he can’t see that.”
“I mean it! What did you hear?”
Silence.
“Ryan, you’re my best friend. I’d rather hear it from you. “
“Aw Sami, it doesn’t matter. Jordan doesn’t matter.”
But Jordan did matter. He seemed to like me when we talked in history class, but he never asked me on a date. It was graduation night, now Jordan would leave for college. But, I saw him kissing Angela.
“Ryan?”
“Okay but it’s just something somebody said he said. Jordan probably didn’t really say it.”
“What?”
“Jordan thinks you’re too fat.”
Stunned silence.
“Sami?”
“I’m here.”
‘Don’t pay any attention to him. You’re not fat. You want me to come over?”
“No, I’m kinda tired.”
“I meant what I said.”
“Bye, Ryan.”
Too fat. it was true. I’d gained weight recently. A lot of weight. More tears. A visit to the bathroom scales. I was horrified.
I crawled into bed, but I didn’t sleep. By morning I had a plan. Ryan would help me. We’d been inseparable since we were four-years-old and his family moved in next door. He’d help me win Jordan.
But he was less than enthusiastic.
“Sam, you don’t need a guy like that. You deserve someone that loves you for who you are, not because you have a thin body. Forget him.”
But I can’t.
“By the time Jordan comes home for Christmas break I’ll be a new person. You’ll see.”
I went to the grocery store with Mom and came home loaded with fresh fruit and vegetables. Lots of vegetables. I dusted off Mom’s old treadmill. This was going to happen. I would get thin and Jordan would love me.
I did my daily exercises. I stuck to the healthy eating goals. Gradually, the pounds started to drop. My clothes fit a little looser. I felt a little stronger. I could run a little farther. Ryan coached me, encouraged me, coaxed me for just a little more. Always he was there, pushing me steadily onward.
When our senior year started in September, I received many compliments, but it wasn’t enough. I had more weight to lose. I had to catch Jordan’s eye.
The workouts continued. The pounds kept dropping. I had to get all new clothes. Mom was so proud of me she didn’t even mind.
I styled my hair. I learned to manicure my nails and apply make-up. I began to see the new me. The me Jordan would take one look at and fall desperately in love. I was asked out by boys at school. I turned them down. My heart belonged to Jordan.
Ryan said I didn’t need the clothes, hair and make-up. He thought I should just be myself. He didn’t understand. I was in love with Jordan. I told Ryan that. It didn’t change his opinion but he didn’t stop helping me either. He was ever by my side, helping me move further toward my goal.
We planned my debut for the night of the church Christmas program. Jordan would be there with his family. I chose an outfit that accentuated my new figure. I did my hair and make-up. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach until I thought I might be sick.
Ryan drove me to church. We slipped into a back pew. I saw Jordan up front. My heart flip-flopped.
Ryan held my hand clasped in his. I needed the reassurance I felt in his grasp. Such a wonderful friend.
I timed my exit from the pew to bump into Jordan.
“Oh, hi Jordan. Nice to see you.?”
“Uh, hi.” He looked puzzled. I smiled inwardly.
“Don’t you recognize me? Sami –from history class.”
“S. . .Sami? You look different.”
“Really? Maybe it’s my hair. Oh, you remember Ryan?”
They shook hands but Jordan couldn’t take his gaze off me.
“I like your hair that way. Say, uh, maybe we could get together sometime while I’m home.”
My knees nearly buckled, but I held my composure. “Sure, that’d be great.”
“I’ll call you then. Great seeing you.”
Ryan gave me a discreet high-five. “Way to go, girl.” Why did his voice lack exuberance?
The ride home was mostly silent.
He stood with me by the door. “Wanna come in?”
“Nah. Better get home.”
“Oh.”
“Sami?”
“What?”
“I’m proud of you. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Then all at once Ryan was holding me in his arms. He’d hugged me before, but never like this. I just stood there, hugging him back.
“Just remember one thing, okay?” His voice sounded muffled against my hair. “It’s what you are on the inside that counts. And that’s the part of Samantha Slater that I know. . .and love.”
Another sleepless night. Ryan said he loved me. Of course he does. He’s always loved me. I’ve always loved him. We’re best friends. But he’d never said it before. He’d never held me like that, with his fingers curling into my hair, running up and down my spine, leaving a trail of tingles at his touch.
The next day my phone rang. My stomach twisted. Maybe it was Ryan.
“Hi, it’s Jordan.”
“Oh, hi”
“Wanna grab a pizza tonight then catch a movie? I’d really love to see you.” Jordan’s voice was low and husky.
“Thanks, Jordan, but I can’t tonight. Maybe another time?”
“Oh, yeah sure.”
I laid my phone down then picked it up again. I entered Ryan’s number and texted. “Merry Christmas. I love you, too.”
